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| Well hello again!!!! It's been a while. Well a lot has been going on. I have journeyed deep within myself these last couple of weeks. I had no idea what i was getting into with this "one wall standing" quest. Boy, am I a mess! Not that I thought I had it made or anything, but revalations can freak you out. I just found out that I'm an enabler. (NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!) This means that I'm responsible not only for my hang-ups, but others as well. See in order to build my wall of support, I have to be a part of a wall myself. Which is fair, right? Well thats where I have the the problem. This wall is suppose to provide support which also includes accountability (and several other things but i'll ramble on that later.) So in the accountability dept., I sometimes neglect to do my job cause I won't say what should be said. But I don't condone anything either. More or less just passive. So my lack of intervention actually enables others. Not good. I was told by a close friend of mine that one should do whats right....because its right.....until it feels right. Well, to my friend, whom I call brother, ........easier said than done!!!! A life of integrity will definately trim my circle of friends. But if they are really friends, hearing the truth from someone you love and trust shouldn't kill a friendship, right? If so then what's left should be the bricks in which I build my wall. The scary part is I thought I was a good friend to everyone. The reality is i'm just sittin back trying not to ruffle any feathers. How whack is that!!! I'm not saying that I have to become this jerk of a person, but if I love my friends, I owe it to them to be the best friend I can be. Say something when I don't agree rather than say nothin at all. This could give the impression that I'm in support of whatever the deal is. Not to mention that I'm not being me at that point. I am not shining from the inside out. I refuse to live another day in fear of not being on someone's favorite person list for the moment. Sooooooo!!!!!! here stands another wall that needs to come down. I shall call it the "wall of insecurity". We all get imprisoned by walls of insecurity. They can start forming as quick as you tear them down. if you're not careful they can actually cripple you. But once again, I choose life!!!! We are all unique in our own way. It is not right to hold people to a standard that you create. We must allow people to be uniquely themselves or else its not free will.
Choose and live YOUR own life!!!!!!!
Any thoughts or comments? Let's talk!!
James | | |
| discipline! discipline! discipline! a huge part of trying to live a life of integrity is discipline. that is the hardest thing to do if you're used to being a "just a little can't hurt" kinda person. you can't bring forth change without effort. i lost my dad to diabetes. my mom was reccently diagnosed with it. so many other family members and friends of the family are also living with it. now i'm approaching that age where i have to start seriously taking some precaution. they say i'm okay now but i wouldn't have anyhting to worry about if i could get my weight down to about 180lbs...................anybody thats ever seen me..............come on, 180lbs.!!!!!!! thats like 60 lbs. do you know of anybody that just dropped 60lbs. like it was a piece of cake?( first off, who would drop a piece of cake anyway and why would you want to?) i would pretty much gain an extra 10lbs. just thinkin about how much work goes into losing 60lbs. the thing is, i know it absolutely has to be done. so i decided to not look at it in lump sum. in order to lose 60lbs., do it one pound at a time. thats where the discipline comes in. i figure if i can win alot of small battles, i just might win the war. i'll just keep repeating " just cause it's there, i don't have to eat it." no matter how great it looks. diabetes is a big killer of african-americans. i refuse to let myself become another victim of this horrible disease. before my dad passed he became an amputee. some people actually go blind. i know you can keep it under control if you follow the doctor's orders but i'd rather just skip it all together. its a big comittment to live a life of integrity. it takes a lot of discipline. i keep saying discipline cause i'm pumping myself up for the battle. that one word is the only chance i have to win the war. this is the first wall that i attack in my mission to leave one wall standing. so join me as i deconstruct one brick at a time " The Wall Of Pounds"
Choose Life!!!!
Fau
Holiday Dinner:
2 pork ribs (usually i'll take out AT LEAST a half a slab)
1 hamburger (usually have about 4)
grilled vegetables
started my day with a 45 min. walk.
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| well............................................................i'm feelin kinda low right now. i found out on the first that my mentor as far as singin goes died. his name is Luther vandross. i never even dreamed of thinkin about singin until i heard a voice that was so charismatic,smooth and alluring and filled with so much emotion and flare with control like nothing i ever heard before. i know how it might sound, but i've seen this person send people into a gamut of emotions just because he sang. i mean how awesome is that!!!! i never wanted to sing or anything. i was just fascinated by his voice. so i would just sit with his albums and mimic everything he did. his technique, ad libs or whatever was there to take from those albums, i drank it all down. i guess through it all, i became what they call a closet singer( of luther vandross songs). through the years i learned that this man and his voice are one of a kind. i couldn't ask for a better mentor. i always thought that i would one day get the chance to tell him what his gifts has done for me. as a work in progress, he has always been the bar that i've been pushing to reach. there will be a void that will be hard to fill. he was the only vocalist loved by both men and women as the universal "mood for romance". my thoughts are all over the place at this moment. so everything is coming out kinda random. it's just tragic that someone that inspired me so much is no longer there physically. i guess he'll always be an isnpiration. i just won't have anybody to draw from for a while. but i'm sure his family and friends are havin it waaaay worst than i am. i hope that everyone will find peace soon. he will be missed dearly. i guess i'm done venting. now i must go and stand on my own legs. and try to be as good a performer as i can using the skills i adopted from the greatest vocalist ever in my book.
by the way, he started out as a back-up vocalist and made his way to the front because they forced him. i always found that crazy. well gotta go!!! thanks for listening.
choose life!!!!!
Fau
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| Hello everyone,
This is my first blog ever. I was warned that once you start, you become a part of a different kind of community. Thats fine with me though. Thats why I ask you to journey with me on my quest to keep "One Wall Standing". This is just a journey into self. You won't really understand anything until you know yourself.
We all are subject to other people's reality. As a human being our reality is very malleable. I believe this creates walls between the person we are and the person percieved. If you are anything like me, then that inner person is far more interesting than the shell. So my goal is to free my inner self by tearing down all walls that tend to warp my perception of self and humanity and leave one wall standing that would provide support(love and community). This way when I am being seen, it is me being seen as i was meant to be seen. In short, I'm pursuing a life of integrity. In order to do that there can only be one wall standing!!!!
A wise man once asked me, "What would you do if you knew tomorrow would be the first day of the rest of your life?". I guess I never really thought about what that meant until now. Better late than never. Right? This morning, I choose to live.
Choose Life!!
Fau | | |
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